Okay.

Well, here's what I was wondering: Why is it that the fear I have of dying is completely different than the dread and panic I tend to feel when I think about the world ending?

And here's what I mean by that.
Dreams where you die, or just about die: Scary.
But you usually wake up shortly afterwards, if not immediately, right?
But when I have dreams about the apocalypse, it's so....terrifying.
I'll see mushroom clouds in the distance, the sky and everything else turns brown and tan, people are screaming and running, with nowhere to go.

I usually just stand there, staring in the direction of....
Well, it's usually a nuke that's dropped in my dreams, I have a horrid fear of that.
I don't know about any of you guys.
But it's such a thick, deep dread, I can still feel it, even just sitting here, only thinking about it.
But why?
Why is it so different than the fear of just dying by myself?

My boyfriend, Mitch, says it's human instinct, because in those situations, I fear for my fellow human beings, but mainly for the preservation of mankind, not just a selfish want and need to stay alive, personally.

The knowledge, the individual people and experiences, the names, the memories....they are all lost, forgotten, in a flash.

Yeah, dammit, I've been watching alot of sad movies.....
Barefoot Gen, When The Wind Blows, BBC's The History Of World War II....
And thinking back, I seem to realize in my dreams and thoughts that some civilizations, if not most, will survive one lone nuke dropped in some random country.

But also, to add to that, I have an unnatural fear of sirens....
Like....you know.....those kinds that pretty much tell you that you're fucked.
Tornado sirens, air-raid sirens, atomic-bomb sirens....

*shivers*

Did they make those specifically to sound like some unnatural death-demon flying straight at your throat?
Again, Mitch steps in with his commentary...
It is, again, human instinct. If not animal.
A warning call...Like animals warning each other.
Wailing, like wolves?
Beh.
What we both mean, is, it's a primitive sound.
It awakens deep-embedded instincs and reactions.
I once read somewhere that it's an inborn-instinct to be afraid of spiders and snakes.

But whutevz.

Mitch is probly right about the human survival instinct thing, because there's usually a little lost boy that I'm trying to protect that inevatably turns out to be me in some retarded horror-flick-dream-twist-scenario that always wakes me up in a cold sweat.

Yeah.




BUT HEY.

OMGZZ OMGZZ


ALSO.

I'm a little mad, and I'm also emo, also into cats!


You'll never be able to sing it the right way ever again.